úgy indult, hogy... de mindenesetre jó volt. lassan a sötét árnyék is leült és már csak a távolba nyúlva kísér. néha rád kacsint, de semmi jelentősége. kezedben lapul a boldogság, mit jó erősen szorongatsz, hisz ha elengednéd összeomlana körülötted minden. néha azon tűnődsz, hogy lakatra zárod ujjaid, hogy véletlenül se csússzon ki markodból. néha félre kell tenned nehezen de elengeded csak egy pillanatra, a tenyeredet égető űr fájdalma csontig hatol. csak egy szempillantás a fájdalom enyhül de nem múlik, sajog, mindig.
nagy levegő, merülés. elkezdődött egy végeláthatatlan út. csak úszol egyre mélyebbre és mélyebbre, süllyedsz a nagy sötétségbe, ahol csak a csend és magány vár. hosszú órák, napok telnek el, elvagy, jól szórakozol, szenvedsz - hol vagyok? - majd egy visszhang, egy halk, vidám, pajkos kacagás, szuszogás, nevetés, hahotázás, kevéske csend, újra előröl. közben levegőd fogy néha már szádat nyitnád levegőért kapdosva de rájössz, hogy nincs. gyors fojtás majd a felszín felé törsz. végeláthatatlan mélységből indulsz. majd egy hirtelen rántás tested megfeszül, mellkasod kitágul, lélegzel majd gyors egymásutánban lihegve veszed a levegőt, néha már azt sem tudod, hol, hogyan, de végre újra, napok óta újra.
végre, sohasem, ennyire, még, sohasem
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right